I have talked before about my irrational fear of loved ones dying. This fear is very real to me specifically when I am trying to go to sleep. Ever since I was a child I created this thing in my head that if I counted things while laying in bed I could stop bad things from happening. For instance, the last 3 nights or so, Marcus has been my OCD I don't want you to die worry. So I am up, wide awake, laying in bed counting so that he will wake up in the morning. It is SO STUPID. I can't help it. It does not happen all the time, but when it does I have a hard time stopping the counting. I think Marcus is about ready to throw me out the window because I don't fall asleep right away and I am crazy counting until the early morning hours.
He is fairly patient with me, but I can tell it's wearing out.
I need to get this dumb fear under control. But when you have been dealing with something since 4th grade, it's hard to get over it in one night.
Maybe talking about it will help. I'm not sure. I hope so.
Well, I'm exhausted from a night of counting and "saving lives" (yes I'm aware how ridiculous that sounds) But I have to go get ready for work. I'll write again later-
--kgk
No comments:
Post a Comment